Marriage Under-Construction: The well of intimacy goes deep!

Wells have always fascinated me. A well feeds my home but it doesn't quite look like this picture.  While I was in Ethopia, some of the locals, a missionary and I loaded a truck to find the nearest well.  With empty containers in the back of the truck, we made our way through the bumpy terrain and found the well we would be pumping for water.  It didn't look like this picture either.  It looked like a teeter totter with a spout to retrieve the water.  We filled jug after jug.  Some of the locals filled their jugs, balanced them with a long stick and carried them home.  I appreciated the truck and so did my back.

I've seen a few wells like this picture that are no longer in use.  They fascinate me because I want to know how deep the well goes.  There are some wells that I can't even see the bottom.

This is a picture of marriage.  There is so much more to marriage that awaits us.  The well goes deep.  The question is, will I explore the depth of my marriage?

When was the last time you learned something new about your spouse?  Are you looking for something new?  Many times we become familiar and start to loose the passion in learning about who we married.  We think we have them figured out the first year of marriage.  It is highly unlikely that you know everything there is to know about your spouse.  Take some time and just look at them.  Listen to them.  Find out what stirs passion within them.  Find out something new that makes them smile.

When was the last time you said something intimate to your spouse?  I'm not talking about, "Hey baby, you interested?"  I mean, when was the last time your commented on her beauty or intelligence?  When have expressed something that you admire about him?

How about serving your spouse for a change?  When was the last time you did something for them that they normally do, like wash the car or sweep the floor?  That would get my motor running to see my wife washing the car in more ways than one!

How about touching your spouse in such a way that communicates that they are loved and appreciated?  Sex is a great way God designed for us to touch intimately.  Enjoy your spouse and allow them to enjoy you.

You will find that intimacy with your spouse goes deep.  There is so much more for you.  What are you waiting for?  In the words of Steven Curtis Chapman's song, "I'm diving in!"

Marriage Under-Construction: How differently do you communicate?

Do you remember finding two empty cans and tying them together with yarn?  My sisters and I do.  Every child at one time or another will try to see if this works.  My children have tried it and suspect yours, if you have children, have too!  The only problem is that it doesn't work.  How often have we said that about our communication with our spouse? Phrases like, "You don't understand what I'm saying." or "Why can't you see what I'm trying to say?" are spoken throughout the marriage relationship.  Until.  Until what?  Until we learn that each of us communicates quite differently than the other.

My wife and I attended a marriage conference a few years back.  The conference was called, "Weekend to remember."  We had a wonderful time together, without kids, a private bedroom, talks about improving our marriage and time.  During that weekend the conference speaker was talking about the different ways we communicate.  He said that some of us are Land the Plane kinds of speakers, which are people who want to find the shortest path to the goal.  They are the readers digest kind of communicators.  Also, there are Enjoy the Ride communicators.  They relax and tell the whole story.  Every detail.  Which of these two are you?

Then there are Sharing your feelings kind of communicators.  They share how they felt about everything. Not the facts kinds of communicators.  They only share the facts.  Which are you, facts or feelings?

Finally, there are Thinking out loud people who ask questions, interrup, makes comments as they think of them.  The Let's take turns like to listen completely, think through and then take their turn in sharing.  They dislike interruptions.  Which are you?

My wife and I sat next to each other listening to these things and started to identify which ones that reflected us.  We were opposites.  No wonder we didn't communicate well with each other.

Maybe you and your spouse are in the same boat.  Maybe that is why you stuggle in understanding each other.  Give each other a break and try your best.  Be patient with each other and forgive each other when the time comes that you need to.

  

Marriage Under-Construction: Do you understand each other?

I loved the television show, Home Improvement.  I still do.  You can watch some of the episodes on youtube.  For me, I couldn't wait for that familiar tune and manly grunt to start the shoe.  One particular episode, Tim was not understanding what his wife Jill was saying to him.  Later on in the show, Tim is talking about saftey on the job site and how good communication makes for a safe place to work.  Holding a stop sign in the air, Tim said, "When a man, holding a stop sign, says 'stop', he means stop.  If a women held up a stop sign, it would mean, "If you really knew me, you'd know what this means."  And over the next ten minutes Tim and Jill would learn how to communicate so that each other knows what the other means.

There are times that I don't understand my wife.  I'm sure she would say the same thing about me.  There are moments I tell you that we are speaking a foreign language to each other.  Have you ever felt that way with someone you love?  How do we pull this thing together?

1.  God's Word teaches us to listen for understanding and then respond thoughtfully.  James 1:19 says to be quick to listen.  To really understand what the other is saying.  Then you can respond well.  How is your listening skills? Are you really listening or are you just quiet, thinking about how to respond?  Do you find yourself really understanding what the other is saying?  How often are you saying, "I'm sorry. I misunderstood what you were saying,"? 

2.  Be willing to forgive each other for the lack of understanding and seek to understand.  Colossians 3:13 says to forgive each other with the same intensity as Jesus forgives you your sin.  Are you will to forgive them?  Can you accept the fact that misunderstandings happen?  Will you do your best to communicate more clearly?

I remember this saying, "Seek to understand, then to be understood."

Ask God to help you and your spouse to understand each other better and as you do, God will improve your marriage!

Generous Believer

Are you generous?  I so want to be.  I hate the desire to hoard from within my heart.  I want to be someone who is generous with money, possession, time and prayers.  How about you?  All throughout scripture we read about a generous God who desires His people to be generous themselves.  He not only desires it, He practices it.  He gave us this beautiful earth to enjoy.  He gave us the ability to live life.  He provides us with whatever we need.  He provides us with relationships.  He provides us with money.  He provides us with meaning in life.  He is generous and He wants us to reflect that same generosity.  But He leaves how much we are generous up to us.  2 Corinthians 9:6-7 or click to view http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Corinthians+9%3A6-7&version=NIV

Paul tells us that if we give little, we will receive little.  If we give much, we will receive much.  How much will I give?  How generous will I be?

All through out this September I'm preaching on the subject of giving.  Are we generous people?  As you listen to these talks, consider how God's Spirit is speaking to your heart about your level of generosity.  Is He telling you to open your hands a little more? 

Personal Revival - Grace on Monday!

How did Grace on Monday go for you?

What am I talking about?

I challenged everyone in our church on Sunday to consider all the ways that God provided grace for their every activity on Monday.  Everyone was to thank God for providing everything we need to accomplish everything He had for us through out the day.

When I was eating breakfast, it dawned on me that I hadn't thanked God for giving me breath that day.  So I stopped and thanked Him. 

All through out the day I tried to remember to thank Him for everything He had provided because I could nothing without His grace.

So the challenge was for you to consider how God's grace enabled you to do all that God wanted you to do for Him on Monday.  How did you do?
If you did well to remember and thank God for His grace, way to go.  Think about it again.  How about Grace on Wednesday?

If you didn't do well, try try again. 

Philippians 4:13, Paul tells us that he can do all things through Christ because Jesus will be the one giving him the strength to do it. 

You can't do anything apart from God's grace.

Take a moment and thank God for His abundant grace that He freely gives to you.

Go in His grace today! 

Personal Revival - Never underestimate the power of story!

I love stories, especially the ones that showcase God's glory! 

Last night my wife was telling me a story of how God used her to encourage someone to attend church.  She was excited to tell me her story and I was moved by her excitement. 

This morning I sat across from a man who recently had been changed by God.  He experienced a physical healing and a heart healing at the same time.  I sat there listening to him retell the story.  I was reminded again how big and powerful our God is. 

Do you have a story to tell?

If we want to experience revival in our relationship with God, we need to start looking at the ways God is changing our lives.  He is always at work, whether we know it or not.  He is always whispering in our ear exactly what we need to hear when we need it.  The problem is us.  Sometimes we have closed our eyes and we aren't looking anymore at how God is moving in our lives.  Once you see how God is working, then tell your story to someone.

There was a man born blind who experienced a healing.  Jesus had given him his sight and the religious leaders wanted him to retell the story.  Read about it in John 9 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+9&version=NIV) 

This man tells his story to the pharisees and they refused to believe him.  After asking him to tell it again the man said, "Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to become his disciple too?"  That wasn't exactly what they wanted to hear but isn't that the point of telling and retelling these stories so others can follow Him too?

What is God doing in your life right now?  Tell your story.  It will bring God the glory He deserves and it may be just the right word to impact someone's life.

Personal Revival - Alright, I confess!

I need to confess a deep secret that I don't often share with people; I like to watch Star Trek.  There it is, I said it.  I like to see the goofy characters, similar set designs, and listen to the annoying sounds.  I'm addicted to watching it.  When I here the sound of the theme song...........Where was I?  Oh, when I hear the sound of the theme song......Sorry, I catch myself daydreaming about the show.

Wow, I can't believe I said this outloud.  I feel so much better.  It's like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

Is there anything you need to confess?  It's funny how freeing we feel when we confess those deep secrets that we keep.

We are learning about personal revival at our church and part of revival involves confession and repentance.  Confession is admitting to God the wrongs we've kept secret and repentance is about changing our behavior.

You may have some things deep in your heart and mind that you would never tell anyone.  You possibly wouldn't even tell God your secrets.  Those secrets will weigh you down and defeat you.  Why not confess them to God right now?  The Apostle John says in I John 1:9, (Click to view, http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+John+1%3A9&version=NIV) to confess our sins to God and when we do that, we find something of great value.  What do we find?

Forgiveness.  To be forgiven, is to feel free again.  To remove the weight from our shoulders. 

What do you need to confess to God right now?  Anything?  Confess it to Him right now.

Next entry we'll discuss repentance.