Marriage Under-Construction: How differently do you communicate?

Do you remember finding two empty cans and tying them together with yarn?  My sisters and I do.  Every child at one time or another will try to see if this works.  My children have tried it and suspect yours, if you have children, have too!  The only problem is that it doesn't work.  How often have we said that about our communication with our spouse? Phrases like, "You don't understand what I'm saying." or "Why can't you see what I'm trying to say?" are spoken throughout the marriage relationship.  Until.  Until what?  Until we learn that each of us communicates quite differently than the other.

My wife and I attended a marriage conference a few years back.  The conference was called, "Weekend to remember."  We had a wonderful time together, without kids, a private bedroom, talks about improving our marriage and time.  During that weekend the conference speaker was talking about the different ways we communicate.  He said that some of us are Land the Plane kinds of speakers, which are people who want to find the shortest path to the goal.  They are the readers digest kind of communicators.  Also, there are Enjoy the Ride communicators.  They relax and tell the whole story.  Every detail.  Which of these two are you?

Then there are Sharing your feelings kind of communicators.  They share how they felt about everything. Not the facts kinds of communicators.  They only share the facts.  Which are you, facts or feelings?

Finally, there are Thinking out loud people who ask questions, interrup, makes comments as they think of them.  The Let's take turns like to listen completely, think through and then take their turn in sharing.  They dislike interruptions.  Which are you?

My wife and I sat next to each other listening to these things and started to identify which ones that reflected us.  We were opposites.  No wonder we didn't communicate well with each other.

Maybe you and your spouse are in the same boat.  Maybe that is why you stuggle in understanding each other.  Give each other a break and try your best.  Be patient with each other and forgive each other when the time comes that you need to.

  

Marriage Under-Construction: Do you understand each other?

I loved the television show, Home Improvement.  I still do.  You can watch some of the episodes on youtube.  For me, I couldn't wait for that familiar tune and manly grunt to start the shoe.  One particular episode, Tim was not understanding what his wife Jill was saying to him.  Later on in the show, Tim is talking about saftey on the job site and how good communication makes for a safe place to work.  Holding a stop sign in the air, Tim said, "When a man, holding a stop sign, says 'stop', he means stop.  If a women held up a stop sign, it would mean, "If you really knew me, you'd know what this means."  And over the next ten minutes Tim and Jill would learn how to communicate so that each other knows what the other means.

There are times that I don't understand my wife.  I'm sure she would say the same thing about me.  There are moments I tell you that we are speaking a foreign language to each other.  Have you ever felt that way with someone you love?  How do we pull this thing together?

1.  God's Word teaches us to listen for understanding and then respond thoughtfully.  James 1:19 says to be quick to listen.  To really understand what the other is saying.  Then you can respond well.  How is your listening skills? Are you really listening or are you just quiet, thinking about how to respond?  Do you find yourself really understanding what the other is saying?  How often are you saying, "I'm sorry. I misunderstood what you were saying,"? 

2.  Be willing to forgive each other for the lack of understanding and seek to understand.  Colossians 3:13 says to forgive each other with the same intensity as Jesus forgives you your sin.  Are you will to forgive them?  Can you accept the fact that misunderstandings happen?  Will you do your best to communicate more clearly?

I remember this saying, "Seek to understand, then to be understood."

Ask God to help you and your spouse to understand each other better and as you do, God will improve your marriage!