Marriage Under-Construction: How differently do you communicate?

Do you remember finding two empty cans and tying them together with yarn?  My sisters and I do.  Every child at one time or another will try to see if this works.  My children have tried it and suspect yours, if you have children, have too!  The only problem is that it doesn't work.  How often have we said that about our communication with our spouse? Phrases like, "You don't understand what I'm saying." or "Why can't you see what I'm trying to say?" are spoken throughout the marriage relationship.  Until.  Until what?  Until we learn that each of us communicates quite differently than the other.

My wife and I attended a marriage conference a few years back.  The conference was called, "Weekend to remember."  We had a wonderful time together, without kids, a private bedroom, talks about improving our marriage and time.  During that weekend the conference speaker was talking about the different ways we communicate.  He said that some of us are Land the Plane kinds of speakers, which are people who want to find the shortest path to the goal.  They are the readers digest kind of communicators.  Also, there are Enjoy the Ride communicators.  They relax and tell the whole story.  Every detail.  Which of these two are you?

Then there are Sharing your feelings kind of communicators.  They share how they felt about everything. Not the facts kinds of communicators.  They only share the facts.  Which are you, facts or feelings?

Finally, there are Thinking out loud people who ask questions, interrup, makes comments as they think of them.  The Let's take turns like to listen completely, think through and then take their turn in sharing.  They dislike interruptions.  Which are you?

My wife and I sat next to each other listening to these things and started to identify which ones that reflected us.  We were opposites.  No wonder we didn't communicate well with each other.

Maybe you and your spouse are in the same boat.  Maybe that is why you stuggle in understanding each other.  Give each other a break and try your best.  Be patient with each other and forgive each other when the time comes that you need to.